I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
