singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
