As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
