wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
