The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
