where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
