hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Blood and glitter go together right?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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