I intend to get homeless drunk
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
