idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
