Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
