The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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