I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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