Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
