8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
