I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Be still, my beating vagina.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
