guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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