Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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