My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
