New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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