Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The beer is more important than you right now.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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