We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
