I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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