Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize