At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I didn't notice because vodka
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
