It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
