he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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