i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
it's great music for shaving your balls
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
