I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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