LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
