you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
