On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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