i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
