We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
