If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
