shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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