you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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