Already got asked if we're dating
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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