i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
