The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
