look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
