so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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