She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
