Who wears a wallet chain?!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I believe in your delicious
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
