When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
