I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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