At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize