Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
