I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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