Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
