I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
