k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
