I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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