My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
