I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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