Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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