did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
