I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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