she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
