dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
