I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
