my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
being pregnant is like rehab
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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