Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
