Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize