Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
