Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize