I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
