Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
