$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
