I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
