I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
