It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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