remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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