For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
