would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
