I wish I could punch you in the face.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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