I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
