Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
