I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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