Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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