there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
